The Untold story

I have been wanting to say this for a long time but there was no opportunity to do so given the circumstances I was in while still teaching. Now that I have said goodbye to the profession I am free to write about my feelings on this issue.......the tudung (head scarf).

When I first started teaching in 1975, all the Malay female teachers, myself included, were tudungless. There were only a handful of students who wore the tudung. However, the situation was reversed some time in the mid 80's. Suddenly, everybody was donning the tudung and those who went about their lives without one were considered stubborn and not conforming to the standard dress code befitting of a truly abiding Muslimah. The few allies that I had also decided to defect to the other side after having been brainwashed by these "superior Muslims" leaving a mere handful of us hardcores, the "lesser Muslims".

I am seated fourth from right (in skirt and blouse) in 1980

We were often ostracised, especially during religious ceremonies  lest we contaminate the sanctity of the occassions with our sins. All these acts of discrimination and alienation were not verbally expressed but were substantially implied. They never voiced their disapproval outwardly but chose to attack me indirectly via sarcasms and insinuations They adopted a cowardice approach of passing caustic remarks and criticisms to the entire staff room, never pointing their accusing fingers at me for they knew what they were in for, had they decided to be forthright in their crusade. I retaliated by pretending complete ignorance of what they were referring to and went about my work as if it was not intended for my ears, much to their utter disgust and annoyance. Jahil (ignorant) as I am in Islam, in their eyes that is, I know one thing for sure, in that all Muslims should never ever humiliate or belittle another human being, Muslim or otherwise. It is God's absolute prerogative to decide who should ultimately be sent to heaven and hell.

I am seated second from left. This was taken in the late 80's. There are 7 Muslims here without the tudung.

I am standing middle row sixth from left. There are only 2 hardcores here, myself included. The rest without the tudung are non Muslims 

Inspite of their obvious animosity towards me, I mingled with them. There was no choice even though it was just a superficial thing. It was in my non Muslim friends that I found solace and I poured out my misery to them, much to chagrin of the "superior Muslims".

I became a champion of sorts to some of the girl students who sought my help each time they were found guilty of  going against the teachings of Islam like plucking  the eyebrows or keeping long nails or colouring their tresses. Liberal as I am, there are certain things which I don't condone, and, unfortunate for these girls, they include keeping long nails and plucking the eyebrows! I was lenient where colouring the hair was concerned, for I had mine dyed blonde at one time, though my preference was auburn, just to spite my enemies. I have to admit it was not easy for me to explain to these girls how my stand was on certain things without sounding contradictory in the process.

With my students in the mid 90's. .

I am not, repeat NOT against the tudung in any way, but I feel that it should not be forced upon Muslims who are not ready to embrace it. It would be a mockery to Islam if one were  to do it for the sake of just pleasing a certain group of people. I was an obvious sinner those days, as far as covering my head was concerned, but I would rather be that than a bunch of hypocrites who revelled in condemning and insulting others for a supposedly noble cause of upholding Islam, going about it in a very unIslamic fashion.

There were numerous occasions which were nauseating and best forgotten but I think I need to get this  one off my chest. The school decided to raise some funds and the only way to ensure success was to open its doors to the public for one day. Many activities were planned and one obvious crowd puller was to have a stage show. It was deemed appropriate that I be given the task of putting this act  together. It was quite obvious that this was not a job for the superior Muslims. This job should only be given to sinners like me. My assistant was from the other faction and her role was to act as a spy, I think, for she did not contribute anything but  merely sat and watched as I went about putting the show together. Realising that I needed some sort of an "umbrella" to protect me, I invited the whole staff  for the rehearsals but none came, save for the Principal who decided to come, but maintaining a reasonable distance hiding behind some trees  to avoid being seen, I guess. Immediately after the rehearsals I marched straight to her office to get her comments and approval to proceed for the actual day. I was quite thrilled and pleased with myself when she gave the green light to carry on as rehearsed.

The big day came and I got the whole act wrapped up by 12 noon BUT a few minutes before the final curtain, the Penolong Kanan KoKurikulum (Co-curricular Senior Assistant) approached me and told me that there was a band waiting to perform. Sensing my reluctance to compromise, he told me he would be responsible for that segment of the show. I believed him. After all, superior Muslims don't lie!!!!! I didn't know what time the show ended for immediately after my part of the show was over, I packed my stuff and left. I did not realise that hell was about to break loose at the post mortem of the Open Day a few days later.

I was viciously attacked, Quranic verses and hadiths were quoted and used as weapons against me. I was caught off guard and could only look across helplessly at the Senior Assistant hoping that he would come to my rescue. But, alas, he was not about to offer any form of assistance, certainly not in front of his wife who was also a teacher there. I felt so cheated and exploited. Apparently, the band was very rowdy and continued playing even when the azan was heard from across a nearby surau. I was made the scape goat. I was hopelessly defeated due to my own carelessness. That was the last straw. I did not hesitate like I used to when my husband suggested that we move to Jitra, he, to avoid the congestion in K.L. and I, to escape the torments of the superior Muslims.

My colleagues in Jitra were more tolerant and accomodating, but then I decided to don the tudung before making my entrance there. So, I did not have the opportunity to really test the ground, so to speak. Just for the record, I did the Haj in 1983 when I was just 31. I don't really care what others think of me so long as God is on my side, Insya Allah. .

The new me in Jitra

I am second from the right with my Jitra colleagues. At the extreme left is my best friend Ooi Gaik Hoe.

My latest photo. Well, not quite the perfect Muslim with my neck still exposed.